failure & frustration

I have failed as a friend. Unable to help bolster her strength and convince her to stand up and do what's best for both, they "talked" and (I believe) are staying together. Note I said I believe. I do not know, because she has not answered or returned any of my calls in a week and a half, a good indication she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Maybe I was too blunt and honest, but probably it's just easier to put up with a really bad situation you're used to than to face rejection & being alone. She knows at least I'll always be there; can't say the same for her partner, whom she needs to appease and please to keep his favor. I wonder if this time she's really going to completely give in and become the person he's trying to force her to be. The odds are greatly in his favor- every time he's succeeded in manipulating her through guilt, to use her love to get his way.

But I don't think I can really, truly hate him (though I hate what he's done), because I feel sorry for both of them. They can never be completely happy together, because one of them will have to give up what they really want out of life so the other can have their wish (2 guesses which one it will be); and then the person that "loses" will be resentful and frustrated. He says he loves her, but you don't treat people you love the way he treats her. It's clear to all of the friends standing on the edge of this relationship that they aren't right for each other (and that his constant manipulation is actually a form of abuse). The worst part is that she knows it too: the whole time they've been together she's been saying "we'll have to break up eventually," but then has accepted more and more of his controlling her life.

Being a girl sucks- you live with your own worst enemy inside your head, a constant voice saying, "you aren't good enough, you don't fit in, you're not right." But then, to become a healthy and happy woman, you get to the point where you start consciously ignoring that negativity. You say "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm OK! I don't have to live up to what I think society or others expect of me, I need to do what gives me joy!" If you have someone constantly reinforcing the insecurities (multiple people, in this situation) you probably never get there.

In gardening, you have to pull out the weeds or they'll suck the good stuff from the soil and choke out the beautiful, nutritious plants you want. Same thing here- cut out the awful, spiteful, selfish people and start clean to ever be happy. But it hurts, and it's hard, and she doesn't seem to want to hear it.