Whinging

It's kind of weird, the last 2 times I've subbed, they called me at 7:30am the morning of (I was still in bed), the time at which I would normally be getting my things ready to leave for work. It is nice to work, and everyone knows earning money is a good thing, but it's kind of frustrating to have to rush and get up & ready in 15 minutes!

Another pair of frustrations yesterday was found at the mall. Now, the last time we went to the mall, we got there on a Saturday evening, only to learn that everything was closing (6pm), and that Jo-Ann didn't have the yarn I wanted. So we went again in the afternoon, after I had called to verify. Now, I had serious doubts about the woman I talked to on the phone, since she seemed to have no real clue what yarn I was inquiring about, but assured me anyway that it was in stock. Well, it wasn't.

So then I went to try on jeans, only to find that our little mall had literally nothing in my size in a style I would consider wearing for a price I would pay. JC Penny had jeans in my size for $20, but they were ugly flares or the trendy "skinny" style that looks like denim spandex. Macy's had some decent ones in my size in the jr's section that were $50, and a whole bunch of reasonably priced jeans several sizes too big in ladies'. Don't get me started on the grandma-esque petite styles that are STILL too big. Why is everything either the wrong size, an ugly color, or a hideous style? Why did Gap have to go and change their sizes so my perfect pants no longer fit? My last pair are falling apart, and I can't find any replacements. I guess I'll just have to order some and hope they fit and look good. Wait- I tried that and it didn't work.

Also, I am stupid and left my knitting bag in the car, which R took to work today (duh), so I had to start another project, which makes 5 on the needles now (not counting the to-be-felted bag in perma-hibernation). It's ok though, because everything else I am working on is lace, and I can't do that without looking at it and thinking about it, so I started a simple scarf that will be for my friend Verne. It's going to have the Dark Mark on it, I think he'll be very excited. I hope he comes to visit soon with the rest of the Seattle crew!

accomplishments

Well, here is my new sweater: It's a lovely alpaca-merino blend, so it's very warm and fuzzy, though a tiny bit itchy. I finished a few days ago, and now am about an inch or so into the vest that is my next project.

We were actually social this weekend, which was fun. Friday night we baked Gorgonzola garlic fries for a get-together at our friends' house. There were only 5 of us who showed up (notice a pattern?) but we had fun talking and tasting beers and playing Mexican Train dominoes. Then last night R and I had dinner with Kris and her partner who were in town for the weekend. They made Ecuadorian potato soup, which you put popcorn on top of like croutons. It was a fun evening, and then we met Steph at a concert, Diego's Umbrella who were really fun! They call their music Mexi-Cali-Gypsy-Rock (though I've read "pirate" and "punk" mixed in as well) but they also include a bit of a Celtic or Spanish flair at times. Very danceable (and I am NOT a dancer), very enjoyable. Steph was a bit drunk and kept buying me beers, I hope I burned them all off by dancing!

It's raining now, so no hikes or kayaking this weekend, unfortunately. R is upstairs making onion soup, perfect for this cold weather, especially since we recently watched the onion episode of "Good Eats." I now feel vindicated for bawling while cutting onions- it's sulfuric acid in my eyeballs, even Chuck Norris would cry! I need to work to get in shape for Kauai, but I really want to make brownies. Hm.

I hope you are having a great weekend!

mostly boring

Well, I hope everyoe enjoyed their weekend. I feel like I didn't get much done, really. We did some errands on Saturday, stopping to have Thai food for dinner. Not very romantic, but we're not big into that stuff anyway. It's better to show that you love someone all the time instead of spending a bunch of time and money just a couple days a year. Eli has a theory that the amount you spend on Valentine's Day is inversely proportional to the health of your relationship, so I guess we're doing fine. ;) I made lemon profiteroles that were tasty though- not the traditional chocolatey heart-shaped thing, but good, with lemon curd and whipped cream.

I finished the sleeves on my sweater, so now all I have to do is hope there's enough yarn left for the cowl neck. I should be able to put up a picture of the finished product in a day or 2! I'm trying to figure out what yarn to use for a lacy vest, the pattern is only one-size, and the easiest way to make it smaller is to use smaller yarn, but sometimes figuring out what yarn to use is tricky. I'm still way too slow at the lace for Colleen. At this rate she'll get it in summer when she won't need a shawl!

We made Eli's Pea soup this weekend, it took us like 3 nights because each time we went to start it, we noticed something new that precluded us from being able to make it that day, like "pre-soak the peas for 12 hours" or "simmer 8 hours"! But it was as good as he claimed. We also made ricotta cheese (it's easy: milk + salt + heat + acid) and then turned it into lasagna, yum! We also made a bacon/onion/gruyere quiche with a potato crust for breakfast, highly recommended!

I'm working today, but other than this I have nothing for the rest of the month. Stuff usually comes up last minute, but it's frustrating to be working only one day a week. Other than that, I have book club on Wednesday, for which I must speed read the whole book tonight and tomorrow, and then there is a potluck get-together thing on Friday. Maybe I'll go to yoga on Thursday, and tonight and Thursday will be climbing. It's now only 2 months until we leave for Kauai- I need to work harder to get in shape for hiking and kayaking!

Happy 200th, Charles Darwin!

What a smart fellow; I feel sad that even now so many people disregard your ideas and don't believe evolution exists, even when we can see it happening (and force it to happen with artificial selection). It's also sad that I've owned The Voyage of the Beagle for like 6 months now and haven't read it.

My friend Kristen visited the other night and showed us a slide show of her recent trip to Ecuador. I'm so jealous! But we'll go someday- she was my main impetus to get our Costa Rica/Panama trip to happen, so now on to South America! I've always wanted to go to the Galapagos, and we both would love to see more jungle. Ecuador has amazing mountains and cloud forests too, which we didn't visit in Costa Rica. More monkeys, amazing birds, giant tortoises, marine iguanas, snorkeling with penguins! Someday. But first- Kauai! Kris is actually in Kauai right now with her family (lucky girl, so much traveling!), so I told her to bring back a full report. :)

As for every day life, I went to gymnastics again on Monday (finally) and realized I've been gone long enough to get out of condition- I was sore! Of course, some of that soreness might have come from the hike we took on Saturday while the weather was still gorgeous & sunny. We took the dogs out to the parks & walked about 3 miles along the coast through forest and along sunny ocean bluffs. My idea is to go hiking each weekend (if the weather cooperates), going slightly longer each time, so that in mid-April, 10 miles along Hawaiian cliffs won't seem ridiculous.

As for knitting, I'm still plodding along with my aunt's shawl, it's over a foot long now. Obviously I will not have it done as quickly as I had hoped. But my super soft sweater is going swiftly, the body is finished and I'm part way through the first sleeve. Yay!

I know, I know

Yeah, the other night wasn't an intentional slight, and it shouldn't reflect negatively on my character that nobody else showed up. People did honestly have good reasons to not be there. But still, sometimes I wonder if I'm not still that weird little ostracized 12 year old girl.

You know how every class has that one kid; the one who is awkward and different, who people make fun of? That kid who reads too much, does too well in school, isn't good at sports, wears uncool clothes; the kid who has no real friends (because being outwardly friends with her is social suicide) so she wanders the playground alone at recess? The one who is teased and laughed at (even by the people who would be her friends in secret, but not publicly), whose homework gets stolen, who doesn't get invited to birthday parties? That kid was me.

I'm introverted, insecure, and still awkward. I've never found it easy to make friends, sometimes I feel socially retarded. But I've had enough friends now that I know it's possible; that I'm a likable and worthwhile person. But it's still hard not having people in this area that I feel are more than good acquaintances; especially when I feel we're such different places in life, and my local friends have too much going on to fit me in. That doesn't make me better or worse than them, just not perfectly suited.

It seems like a lot of friendships are like that- you're only friendly with someone while you're doing the same things- at the same school, in the same situation, have the same hobbies, work the same place, etc. If anything changes, you lose the glue that holds you together. And sure, distance and changing lives make things hard on any relationship, but there are some people you just don't want to lose, you know? So it's hard when those special people -the ones you would happily hang out with every day, talk to for hours, go anywhere with- all live a day's drive away or more, and I see them a few times a year if I'm lucky (one I haven't seen in years now).

I keep talking about my 30th birthday- I want a big party! I want people to all go out to dinner together! I want to go camping with friends! I want to have people over! I want to go stay at a hotel up the coast so people from Portland & Seattle will come! But then I realize- it won't happen. It doesn't mean that people don't love me, they are just busy, and we live too damn far away.

Insecurity.

Hello, I am feeling like crap right now. Just wanted you to know in case anything here comes off as bitter or negative.

You see, I have been home alone all week (R is off at training). I missed a couple subbing possibilities in the beginning of the week because the phone lines were down Sunday night, so I was looking forward to today: a full day of subbing science AND girls' night out! Finally I got out of the house and interacted with people! (Well, actually I went to the advanced-climbing class last night as well, lost some finger-pad skin & got a good arm workout in.)

School went really well today! It was one of those great days where the students were in good moods (tomorrow starts a 3-day weekend for them), they were happy to have me instead of their regular teacher, and I actually TAUGHT them something. This is the 2nd year in a row I've ended up subbing for this class on the day they are working on balancing chemical equations, and I can actually help the students to grasp the concept. It's a really gratifying and positive feeling to help someone *finally* understand something with which they have been struggling.

So then I came home, feeling good, got a good bit of knitting done on my gorgeous & utterly-pettable sweater, and got ready to go to the GNO. I turned on the computer to check the meeting time just before we left, and read that 2 people I had been expecting might not be there- bummer. So I go anyway at 5:30 (ridiculously early for dinner, we typically don't eat before 7), fearing that I'll be the only one to show up.

Yeah, should have trusted my instincts. I sat there for 45 minutes HOPING someone might appear to prove I'm not a total loser before I ordered a halibut burger & onion rings to go. The restaurant (Sharkbites) is awesome, laid-back, comfortable, excellent food, good beer selection, the owner was completely cool, etc. But nothing makes you feel you are a worthless turd like sitting and hoping SOMEONE will show up to spend 30 minutes with you on a Thursday evening. I was stood up by my "friends."

Granted, I know a lot of people have perfectly good reasons for not being there, kids, family stuff (one girl didn't even get off work until 6 anyway), etc; but still, I felt like I was not worth even expending the effort. (It's one night every other month, for God's sake!!) I hate that the people who actually make me feel like I'm worth being around live 4-8 hours away. I hate that I have no real friends here I can count on. It appears that the people I thought were my friends actually have nothing in common with me other than friend/family working for ODF, and we all play with yarn. Or maybe they are all just plain too busy to be friends with lil' old me. It sucks to find out that nobody wants to be around you (unless they live too far away to do so).

I like this town. I like our house, I like our lives, I like living here. I just need some actual friends now, so I don't feel like shit anymore.

Nada mucho

Happy Sunday! I didn't really have much to say, but it's been a while since I've posted. R left this morning for a week-long training, so I have a whole list of projects to do this week. Some of them I've already finished, like dyeing some clothes and putting the spices up in our new spice rack. Ryan made it in his new garage workshop with some pretty myrtle wood.

I've caught a nasty head cold, so I don't feel the greatest, but it's let me get a bit of knitting done. I'm still the world's slowest lace knitter-- only 3 repeats of my Aunt's shawl done so it's not even a foot long yet, sigh. I finished the 2nd of my 3 gift scarves for friends-- you know who you are, now come and get them! Here I am modeling the scarf as Luna Lovegood (with short hair): Note the spectro-specs and radish (dirigible plum, whatev) earrings. Yes, I am a dork. But R is gone and I am sick, so I am being goofy.