Anemones aren't very holiday-ish, but there you go....

Ok, so I posted my shark pattern, I might as well put up my notes from the anemones I made a few years ago as well, right? I'd love to see other peoples' versions!

These are just loose notes, not a pattern. The size of the finished creature is entirely up to you, based on how many you cast on, and how tall you knit the base. This pattern is super-easy, if you have basic knitting skills and can use DPNs, you can do this!

My colors were used to mimic the Giant Green Anemone (Anthopleura xanthogrammica) that we see all over our tidepools (since these were designed as presents for my fellow tidepoolologists), but feel free to use any colors that strike your fancy!

These were knit with several leftovers of acrylic worsted/aran yarns. Any yarn will work, and if you don't want to hold yarns doubled, just use bulky weight instead.
The yarns I used were: Caron Wintuk (brown), Lion Brand Wool-Ease worsted (darker green), Lion Brand Jiffy (olive).
For the tentacles, you will need a thin worsted shiny yarn in a contrasting color. I used TLC Cotton Plus.
US 8 (5mm) and US 6 (4mm) double-pointed needles.
Gauge is irrelevant.

Using size 8 needles and one strand brown and one strand olive-green worsted yarns held together, cast on 40 st (or thereabouts). Join in the round, and knit the tube (stockinette) about 4" (or as tall as you want it).

When the stalk is tall enough, wrap one stitch and turn as if to knit a short row. Turn the whole stalk inside out- the reverse stockinette is now the right side (voila- no purling!).

Switch the brown yarn strand for another shade of green, and knit the top of the anemone in stockinette. Use regular decreases, scattered around the row, every other row. Be sure to keep the top flat like a pie crust, rather than curved like a hat crown. A slight bulge is good though, realistic.

Once you have decreased down to about 10 stitches, bind off to form the gullet hole. Anemones have to eat, you know!

Now take your size 6 DPNS and a shiny worsted yarn, and pick up 4 stitches at the top edge (just inside the turning ridge where the stockinette meets the reverse stockinette).
I-cord for about 2.5-3 inches, then decrease 1 stitch to taper the tentacle. Do a few more rows of I-cord and then pull the end of the yarn through the last few stitches and pass it back through the length of the tentacle, tying it to the other end at the base inside the anemone.
Repeat the tentacles all the way around the edge, varying lengths slightly every other tentacle.



Because of the nature of stockinette, this anemone can actually curl in on itself to hide its tentacles, just as real anemones on rocks do when the tide is out!

I'm dreaming of a great white Christmas....

NEW EDIT:

Re-doing my pattern so it’s easier. People keep making snippy comments in their Ravelry Project notes, but never saying anything to me about what might help. I’m NOT a professional designer, and it’s a free pattern I posted because the world needs more cute sharks, so if you have issues, PLEASE talk to me.
I haven't test-knitted this version yet, but it's seamless with less fiddly-ness. 
Co 4 stitches with a disappearing Circular Cast on.
K 1 round
*Kf&B *(8 sts)
K 1 round
Increase 3 sts evenly across row (11 sts)
K 1 round
Increase 3 sts evenly across row (14 sts)
K 10 rounds
Decrease 3 sts evenly across row (11 sts)
K 2 rounds
Decrease 3 sts evenly across round (8 sts)
Knit 1 round
K2tog, K1, K2tog, K1, K2tog (5sts)
K 1 round
K2tog, k1, K2tog
K1 round
Switch to flat knitting. K2tog, K1 (2 sts)
K 2 rows.
CO1, k2, CO1
Knit 1 row
Co1, K4, Co1
Knit 1 row
Co1, K6, Co1
K1 row.
BO 4 sts, K 4 sts, CO1
BO last 5 sts.
Use yarn tail to pull center of caudal fin in, creating a shark tail shape.
Make Fins as directed below, either separately and sewn on, or picked up and knitted on. 

Original post:
Hey, I survived the cold, cold weather we had last week (though it was certainly not as cold as Portland & Seattle- there are many benefits to living on the coast!). One of those very cold days we took a walk on the dunes, which the dogs thoroughly loved. It was strange hiking on a frozen trail through the forest though.

We're getting all geared up for Christmas, which for me of course means knitting & crafting various little gifts. One of this year's endeavors was a shark ornament for my good friend ( & co-worker) Steph, who loves sharks.

I actually paid attention & wrote down what I did so I could repeat it, so I may as well post it here so anyone else desiring a shark ornament can make one too! Maybe someday I'll put up my anemone pattern as well. These ornaments do require a ridiculous amount of sewing small, fiddly bits together and weaving in ends, but it's worth it! If you want tips on how to do them more seamlessly, see below.



Great White Christmas Ornament:

I used some leftover Lion Brand Wool Ease in a gray color, probably less than a quarter of a skein for 2 sharks, so less than 50 yards (45m).

US 6 (4mm) double-pointed needles.

Note: If you weave the fin ends in strategically, you can both reinforce the fins AND make the garter stitch look more like moss stich, which looks nicer.
(These instructions are for the smaller of the 2 sharks. To make the bigger one, knit an extra row between each of the tail increase rows, and increase up to 17 stitches.)

Body:
CO 2 stitches. Knit flat (garter st) for 2 rows. Then increase 1 stitch, and placce the 3 stitches on 3 double pointed needles.
Knit one round.
K1, M1, K1, M1, K1. (5 st)
Knit 1 round.
Increase 3 st evenly across the row. (8 st)
Knit 1 round.
Increase 3 st evenly across the row. (11 st)
Knit 2 rounds.
Increase 3 st evenly across the row. (14 st)
Knit 10 rounds.
Decrease 3 st evenly across the row. (11 st)
Knit 1 round.
Stuff the shark's body, giving it a nice, streamlined shape.
Decrease 3 st evenly across the row. (8 st)
Knit 1 round.
Decrease 4 st evenly across the row. (4 st)
Cut yarn & draw end through, cinching the nose shut.

Dorsal Fin:
Pick up 4 stitches at center back.
Knit a row.
Knit, K2 tog at head end.
Knit a row.
Knit, K 2 tog at head end.
Cut yarn leaving a long tail, & draw through. Make a hang-loop and weave the end through the dorsal fin (see note).

Pectoral fins (make 2):
CO 1.
Knit into front & back (2 st)
Knit a row.
Knit into front & back, K 2 (3 st)
Knit a row.
Knit into front & back, K 3 (4 st)
Bind off.
Sew onto the lower edge of the body, slightly forward of the dorsal fin. They should stick out to the side. Weave ends in (strategically).

Tail fins (make 2):
CO 1
K1, CO 2 st (3 st)
Knit a row
K3, CO 1. (4 st)
BO.
Secure to the center of the tail so that the curved edges are facing out, and then sew the bound off edges together in the center of the tail. Weave in the ends.

If you want, sew a black bead on for eyes. I haven't gotten to that part yet myself, but intend to shortly. :)
Voila- sharkey!



If you made the nose longer & knitted the tail horizontally rather than vertically, you could easily turn this into a dolphin, and by changing the overall color & shape of the dorsal fin, it could become any number of cetaceans!


EDITED TO ADD SEAMLESS NOTES:
these notes are from the lovely Lady Sunkist who knit this pattern seamlessly as dolphins for her marine biologist son

To knit nearly seamlessly:
start at the tail- cast on 9 stitches.
Knit one or two rows and then decrease - SSK at the beginning, & a K2tog at the end of the row.
Continued decreases at each end until 3 stitches rem. Then continue with the regular instructions for the body & dorsal fin.
For the pectoral fins, pick up 4 stitches from the body.
Knit several rows, doing decreases until 1 stitch rem. Weave in ends, pulling fins into the proper curved shape.

Hey, I'm back!

I promise to make an effort to post in here more often, since it's been approximately 2.5 months since my last one.

I'm still teaching (it's only 1.5 days a week, but that's better than nothing) ELL; I'm assuming I'll be doing the entire semester, but don't know for sure yet. Knitting is going well, I'm plugging along on my National Sweater Knitting Month project (a cardigan of gorgeous merino my Mom bought me) and veeeery slowly making progress on the never-ending Mom blanket (it takes over an hour to knit an inch of length, okay?).

The garden is winding down, mostly just winter-hardy things left like chard, broccoli, parsley, celery. We've got loads of food put away though, and are now contemplating buying a chest freezer so we can get a portion of a pig our friend who works for 4H sourced. She gave us some lamb last year too. Fresh, local meat is the way to go. Through our CSA we've found a hookup for chicken and beef too. Now if only we had a butcher yet again for bacon/ prosciutto/ pancetta/ sausages. We really don't eat as much meat as that makes it sound- mostly it's just a small bit for flavoring. But if civilization crumbles, at least we'll be able to eat well for a couple months- assuming we have electricity to cook. ;)

And since it's been so long I can't process what to say, here's a meme!

The BBC published a list of classics and recent bestsellers with the pretext that most readers have only read an average of six from this list. I’ve bolded the ones I've read.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (want to read soon)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (I'm missing maybe 2 plays, and the poems)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck (looks accusingly at me every time I go by the bookcase)
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (want to read soon!)
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Ex upery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (I'm reading this with my students right now, though of course I've read it before)
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (this is sitting in the living room waiting for me to begin)
** 46 out of 100 ain't bad, especially since several of these are on my "to read soon" list.

August is over already?

Wow, this summer FLEW by, I can't believe it's September tomorrow! August was a busy month for me, though it really feels like I accomplished nothing. I did knit several small things as birthday gifts for my fellow nerds- I mean naturalists, but I still haven't finished the cardigan I intended on wearing to my cousin's wedding (well, the knitting is done, the sewing is holding me up- this is why I tend to only do seamless knits). The wedding itself was great, it was so fun seeing my cousins again. I wish I got to see them more often. The only bad parts were that I had to keep telling people I didn't know why my brother hadn't come, and that the couple that won the "anniversary dance" had been married the exact same length my parents would have been. I still love them, but it's hard being around my Dad's family without my Dad.

August was a month of great baking, as weird as that seems. I made this cake for Steph's birthday, these cookies for Kris' birthday tea (apparently I am on a chocolate & caramel kick). I also made scones several times, banana zucchini bread, R and I made apple crisp & peach crisp, and I tried this intriguing recipe for a famous dessert from a renowned Portland chef. Yeah, bacon + apricots + cornbread + maple ice cream. It didn't turn out as hoped though, we were out of white flour, so I had to sub whole wheat. Healthier? Perhaps, but a lot denser & coarser. I think September will be ice cream month- I'm making Coconut avocado ice cream for our end-of-year interpretive fiesta, and I also decided that we need to make some peach gelato with the 20 pounds of peaches R bought at the farmer's market last week.

Work was busy and good as usual, but I found out I now need to finish a few days early- I'm going to be long-term subbing for the new ESL teacher at the high school who just found out she has a major medical issue she wants to get taken care of before she moves to our little town. It will be interesting, but it's only every other day, so I think I can handle it. And it shouldn't be a problem to take time off in October for the girls' vacation in SF.

The garden is going tomato-rama on us right now, I think I need to make some salsa. Luckily we got some peppers in the CSA share last week, and we have plenty of onions & cilantro from the garden & garlic from our friends' garden. Those same friends have a prolific Gravestein apple tree, so a couple weeks ago we picked, processed & pressed 12 gallons worth of apple cider, which is currently fermenting. Yum!

R is away at a fire right now, the first one of the summer for him, so yesterday I made the house smell of sheep dyeing wool for a hoodie sweater. It started out faded-jeans blue and ended up a lovely violet with hints of magenta and lighter blue. I intended on it turning gray, but I'm really happy with the result, regardless.

And now I really need to get to bed before September starts!

Holy crap, it's mid-July!

Summers are so busy, and they fly by! But at least that means we're having fun. ;) Between the garden and our CSA (1/2 share) we have more veggies than we know what to do with. We picked a bunch of pie cherries from R's boss' tree the other day, he's going to make a sour cherry beer, and I'm going to make my favorite pie- cherry blackberry. It will have to wait until the berries are ripe though, of course! We got a decent number of sweet cherries from our little tree, and the blueberries are ripening now. I need to call the organic blueberry farm down in Langlois to find out if they are open for picking yet. Hooray for summer produce! I know I promised pics, but they are now a month old, so I'll have to take some more.

I was going to make pea & prosciutto pasta for dinner tonight (using our multitude of home-grown sugar peas), but then I remembered I have book club. It's weird feeling so busy! We had a Japanese cooking class Monday to make up for the one a few months back that was entirely sushi based (the description said "learn Japanese cooking beyond sushi" so we complained & got to attend this additional lesson). I still don't know how to make a good teriyaki chicken though. We were supposed to go visit my Mom & Aunts during their week at Kalamath Falls, but couldn't because of the class, sadly.

Being busybusy means I don't have any finished knitted objects to show off here. (Well, I did knit a couple tiny slugs & snails as gifts.) I'm still working on the shawl & ballet pullover & I started the linen cardigan. I hope to enter a couple things in the county fair at the end of the month. I haven't spun any since my "lesson" though, which is kind of sad. I love how gorgeous & active the summers here are, but I also love the more slow times during the winter when I actually feel productive.

Another thing that's been taking up much of what free time I have is researching for our girls' trip in Oct- final destination: San Francisco! I would love any advice!

Hello, summer!

Well now it's officially summer, nearly July. Summers are always amazingly busy times for us, partially because I work odd schedules, but mostly because it's so nice out we have to spend so much time outside working. It is great to be back at work though, I can't believe a month has already flown by! We have a lot of good low tides for tidepool tours this summer (the photos are from South Cove during the amazing minus tides last week: a red-gilled nudibranch and sunflower star). I've successfully led my first try at my new program, a guided hike along the cliffs and through the forest. I've done both my mountain lion & sea otter evening programs (to good-sized audiences), and I'm working on developing my animal tracks one into 2 separate programs, one for kids and one for all ages.

Our garden is going gung-ho, we've already made several harvests of radishes, broccoli rabe, beets, peas, and salad greens. I'll take a photo today to upload whenever I get a chance to post again (don't hold your breath) later. We're also sharing a CSA membership with R's boss this summer, so we're overloaded with veggies! Lots of strawberries too. We went to the master gardeners' plant sale this spring, and found that our tomatoes we had started in the windows of the garage were about 5 times as big as what the "experts" were selling. Currently our tomatoes are blooming! We found a good sale on a pressure cooker the other day, so I hope to get a good batch of tomatoes we can can this fall.

As always in summer, we can't plan any vacations, since I work weekends and it's hard to get days off. But I'm planning to go to my cousin's wedding in Seattle in August, and we've already had visitors twice- Brandy and Evan came down at the beginning of the month and we went camping (in my park, so it didn't feel much like a vacation for me, but was fun all the same); then last weekend my Mom came for a visit and brought be a spinning wheel from my aunt in Cali, exciting! R's boss' sister happened to be up that same weekend, and she taught me to spin, as she has the exact same type of spinning wheel. Serendipitous!

I also bought myself a wetsuit, finally, and am so learning to surf, if the wind and waves ever cooperate. Fall is the best time to surf here, so we'll see. Steph is also a beginning surfer, and her boyfriend has several boards we can borrow.

As for knitting, I finished a pair of socks for R's birthday, and am still working on my aunt's shawl, now that she's actually finished chemo, sigh. I need to finish it soon though, not only to give to her- I need the needles for a jacket I want to wear to the wedding. I'm also working on a "so you think you can dance" sweater (a ballet top knitted while watching that most addicting of summer shows). I dyed the yarn for it myself, it looks pretty cool. I'll put up a pic when it's finished. Here are R's giant socks:


I hope everyone is having an excellent summer and enjoying gorgeous weather! If you aren't, just come visit us here! Oh, and PS- check out the slideshow at the bottom of the blog for photos from Kauai.

Hola!

Hey, just wanted to update quickly to say I'm still here, I survived Kauai, I've just been insanely busy lately. Update soon with photos and all that, I promise!

Well, now I'm 30

Thanks so much to the people who called or sent birthday emails, it was lovely to know that you all were thinking of me! Sorry I wasn't there to get the phone calls though, I was on my way back up from the Redwoods.

It was a good trip, though it rained the whole way down. We took the dogs for a walk up a hill under the tall, tall trees (it was a closed gravel road, so dogs were ok) and a long walk on the beach. It was nice enough that evening to have a campfire & grill some dinner too. The next morning dawned sunny & clear, and we went to the beach again (briefly) after breakfast ("California Eggs Benedict" with avocado & tomato instead of ham really wasn't that great). Then we visited the HSU Marine Lab where we got to see assorted sea creatures in tanks, including intertidal animals in touch tanks outside. I got to show the boys an urchin's defense mechanism when it senses a sunflower star- it flattens its spines, stick out its pedicellariae, and runs away!

On the way up, Eli & I stopped at the Prehistoric Gardens, but only had enough time to take photos of the dinos you could see from the parking lot. As it is, we got home much later than anticipated, and had to rush around getting things ready for a murder mystery dinner party we were hosting that evening. But everything turned out well in the end (my tiramisu turned out perfect), and we had a lot of fun! I just wish those games allowed you to invite more people- 6 is so limited! We're going to try to write one for ourselves now.

This weekend was pretty rainy, so I had a dye-a-thon. I had bought some cheap Easter egg kits, and used those and food coloring to dye a bunch of yarn.
(please click to see whole pic- blogger doesn't play nice with picasa, even though they are both Google programs).
I used a lot of different methods, including my first time hand-painting (the orange, and another purple one that isn't pictured). Dyeing is fun! My knitting is going slowly- I really need to stop doing patterns with lace repeats in them, they take so long.

Tomorrow I'm babysitting my little friend Emily, whom I used to nanny (she's 6 now). I haven't seen her in a while, so it should be fun. I think we'll go to the yarn shop to kill some time & buy me a pair of needles to make a tank top while in Kauai. I hope I'll actually finish it in time to wear it!

I love living here

This past weekend was bloody perfect weather- sunny & in the low 70s. Our garden is loving this rain/sun pattern. We went hiking both days with the dogs, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Saturday we went out to South Slough to see all the skunk cabbage in bloom (but before they become odiously odoriferous). Here is a picture of me with the dogs along a boardwalk through the marshy areas. If you look closely, you might be able to see how gloriously sunny it is just past the edge of the trees in the open meadow.

Saturday we went hiking on an old (closed) logging road. The dogs had fun sniffing cougar scat and tromping through mud puddles in the low spots. Stitch even pulled me into the mud at one point, but I was wearing my waterproof hiking boots, thank goodness.

Friday we had people over for a sushi and game night. The games were pretty fun, and some of the sushi was tasty. Next time I guess we need to make sure people who know how to make sushi rice are in charge of it- we made half, but other friends took on the challenge of the other half and unfortunately it turned out poorly. But it was so fun to hang out with everyone, and meet one guy's new bride (she moved here from New York after their wedding). We really should do those night more often. I just wish some of the other people could come too. Babies do a doozie on your social life, don't they! Heh.

As for knitting, I've been on a hat-o-rama lately. I told a kid at the HS (my buddy when I was taking gymnastics) that I'd make him a slouchy beanie. Originally he wanted Rasta colors, but then he delivered me 3 skeins of super-bulky in burgundy, charcoal, and creme. I assumed he wasn't able to find the colors he wanted, and made a ribbed, slouchy beanie with charcoal top & bottom, and the Rasta colors striped in the middle. He saw it at the beginning of last week and said "oh, I wanted those colors I gave you." Damn.
Take 2- I design a pattern (with argyle charts!) for gymnastics bud. I finish the argyle hat and no sooner do I find another kid who wants the 1st hat when my buddy sees the other guy wearing it and says "oh, that's so cool, it IS just what I wanted!" Double damn! Knit the 1st hat again with slightly different colors and finally deliver it to him. Now I'm knitting myself a pretty hat in black alpaca with a tiny thread of gray to make it tweedy (it matches the scarf R brought me from Italy when we were in college).

Now I'm waiting for Eli to arrive, and tomorrow we are going to meet R down in the redwoods! Then Friday is my birthday, woohoo! And next week is Kauai- so excited! :D

Spring Break, Wooh!

So spring break is over now. Nothing terribly exciting to report, except that my Mom & Aunt came to visit. We took the dogs to the beach and watched for whales (yucky weather, saw none) and drove around. I found some yarn in Bandon for a very pretty skirt at a really cheap price too, go me! I volunteered for Whale Watching Spoken Here on Wednesday and Saturday as well, skunked on Wed (clouds so you couldn't see more than 1/2 mi off shore and sideways rain in heavy winds- thank goodness that was an indoor site!) and saw just a few on Saturday (the rain kindly waited until after we left to set in). Oh yeah, Saturday night we also participated in Earth Hour, not using any electricity for an hour. We played cards in front of the fire, and I knitted.

I finished my vest recently and wore it to school friday before spring break (I worked every day that week, it was pretty nice). It's a bit small- I guess I sized it down too well, but not TOO small. It works well over a T shirt.


Then this week I started and finished an Owls sweater! That was fun, it was such a quick knit, and it's very cute and fits great. It used a lot less yarn than I thought too, so it ended up costing like $20! Yay for making my own clothes!

We worked a lot in the garden the past few days, pulling out old stuff and weeds and planting early seeds for this spring. It actually was frosty this morning, but apparently not cold enough to kill the sprouts, thank goodness. We got a whole bunch of good soil out of the compost bin and made up some organic fertilizer, so I hope we'll have good production this year.

Today I went out to lunch with Steph and her friend Crystal (whom I met at the Diego's Umbrella show) and then we took the dogs to the beach and hung out drinking beer in the sun. I wore my new sweater. All in all, a pretty excellent day. Some fun things are planned for the next few weeks too, I'm excited!

Drama

I was at the HS again today (that makes 3 days this week, and 4.5 for next week!), subbing for the teacher who last year put me in a bad situation and made me feel like crap, giving me the worst sub experience thus far; but I'm glad I was there today. Today was... interesting.

It was "green week," odd since Earth Day is in April, and the students got both a pep assembly and an hour-long lunch today. But that's not why it was odd. Apparently Friday night, a female student called the police and reported being raped by a fellow student. She was 14, he, 18. He is currently sitting in jail awaiting the trial on Monday, and she was escorted to school this afternoon by police to pick up her things. I didn't hear anything about it at all the other 2 days I was subbing, so it seems the situation at school came to a head today.

As in any criminal case, it's not cut and dried exactly what happened, and this being high school, there were endless rumors floating around- "He was a virgin! She was making out with another girl/ was drunk on the bus home yesterday! He would never do that! She's a liar, she was laughing about the situation!" etc. His friends decided to show their support by wearing t-shirts bearing slogans such as "I support [boy], bring him home!" They all say he was the nicest guy, he would never do something like that, etc. Obviously he was a popular, well-respected guy at school, and people honestly believed he was a good person. But that doesn't mean he didn't do it. Everyone thought Ted Bundy was nice and charming too, and the BTKer's family would never have dreamed he could perform such heinous acts.

Unfortunately, it's all too easy to get caught up in the hype and forget what's really important, to take the words of someone too emotionally involved at face value (I've been guilty of that too, when my friend found out her husband had been sleeping with their 12 year old foster daughter, believing her say the girl seduced him, when that DOES NOT MATTER and was almost certainly wrong anyway). Everyone forgets that it's wrong to talk about a crime scene being investigated, and it's false to assume you know what happened just because you know one person involved. Even if he didn't force her, it would still be statutory rape (though people are also saying she lied about her age, which makes things complicated). What's important is that either way, someone's life was ruined Friday night. Blaming the victim doesn't make it any more OK, even if she is an attention-grabber type.

The students were very upset with the way the administration handled things, particularly that people with "we support [boy]" shirts were told to take them off or go home. Obviously students at school don't have the same rights at school as an adult on the street, but there have been cases similar to this in the past (students wearing unmarked purple armbands to protest something) proving that it is stifling their free speech. Where do you draw the line between allowing people to show support for someone they believe to be wrongly accused, and creating a potentially hostile environment for a girl who was brave enough to report a rape? Apparently one of her own friends tried to beat her up yesterday, so there is certainly some proof to the "hostile environment" theory.

It doesn't matter if she's a "bad girl, a slut, a liar," whatever; or if he's a "good, wholesome, popular, nice guy." Something happened, and only they 2 know exactly what and how, and the rest of the school needs to let the court decide the truth. I understand their frustration, but it's just a horrible, sad situation no matter what happens, and becoming overwrought and getting yourself suspended won't make things any better. There are times to stand up and protest and say "this is wrong, we won't take it!" but a case like this is not one of them.

So, less than a month until my birthday-

Do you all have your presents picked out and your travel plans arranged? Kidding, of course. It's weird that I'll be 30 in less than a month though. I know I'll at least have fun on my birthday, because Eli & Jack are driving down, and we are going to visit R in NorCal for the last day of his week-long training there. Then we'll be back here, I hope hanging out with other people who come visit, but at the very least enjoying ourselves immensely. Hm, I just have to make sure that if we go camping that night I can set up my tent sufficiently far enough away from the snoring....

Anyway, R is gone yet again this week, at a fire training in Redmond. He is enjoying spending his per diem on the abundance of restaurants there. I wish we had better restaurants here, or at least more variety (not that we ever go out). It's pretty much all your typical American-style food, including loads of Gringo-tastic mexican places, and a few totally old-school inauthentic Chinese food places. At least Porta is damn good Italian, and you can get good pub-grub at a few places. Apparently there is a Thai restaurant at the new concert place downtown, and there's also been an Indian restaurant sign up for months now with the place never open. 2 of the Oriental restaurants in town sell sushi, but at one a guy I know has gotten food poisoning twice, so that's not so hot. But tomorrow I'm going to the other one with a couple friends (well, at least Gloria, we'll see if anyone else shows up, it was kind of last-minute).

I'm kind of obsessed with food lately (well, more than usual) because I've been trying a detoxifying diet this week- no alcohol, caffeine, dairy, gluten, meat, or eggs, so that basically reduces me to fruit, veg, legumes, and nuts. It has me craving empty carbs and sugar like crazy, even the yummy coconut rice pudding I made isn't working. And honestly, I can't see that it's helped my stomach any, which is frustrating. Stupid stomach, just be normal!

As for knitting, I haven't gotten much done lately (sucked away by my first love- books), but I just got my Christmas present from V in the mail (call it a half-Christmas & birthday present!), the book "Custom Knits" which has some good patterns, but more importantly, teaches you the details of how to make a pattern that works for YOU and looks the way you want it too, hooray! I need to finish up my sexy vesty, I'm just in the middle of the back now and need to break into my third ball of yarn, unfortunately. Hm, I just looked at my projects page on ravelry, and learned that out of 50+ things I've worked on, only 1/5 of them were for me! I clearly need to be more selfish. ;)

Smarch marches on

March is supposed to come in like a lion, right? Well this year it certainly is, but sort of like a lion reintroduced to a game preserve to control the gazelle population. Sure we're getting loads of rain (and some wind) but we needed it!

We made the most of a stormy weekend at home by doing things around the house. We made bagels and blondies, whole-wheat cinnamon raisin bread and winter squash risotto. Everything was really delicious, even though the bread didn't rise much in the breadmaker, so it was really dense. R brewed and made a pizza peel to use for baking homemade pizzas and bread. By the way- if you haven't tried the "Artisan bread in 5 min a day" recipe, you should, it's really great and just about the easiest homemade bread conceivable. Just leave the dough in the fridge until you want some bread/pizza/whatever. We even use it to make buns for sausages.

Luckily, Saturday afternoon was nice enough that we could take the dogs for a walk on the marsh trail. It's about half a mile round trip from our house, and the trail itself is probably just over a mile, but it was fun, and the dogs were certainly glad to get some good exercise.

I worked Friday and Monday (Dr. Seuss' birthday!), but now I have nothing lined up until my 4-day stretch just before spring break. Oh well, things tend to come up last-minute fairly often. I haven't gotten much knitting done, I don't feel. Lace patterns just don't motivate me because they are so slow, and I can't do other things while knitting them (like watch movies or read, which I can do while knitting plain stockinette or knitting or anything else I don't have to think about too much).

And finally, we attempted to buy tickets for Hawaii a few times over the past few days. The cheapest are on Priceline, which is an awful site. You go through all the steps over and over again: searching, selecting flights, putting in your info, picking seats, typing credit card numbers, only to get to a page at the end saying "sorry, we can't sell you those tickets at that price right now!" Then if you go back to the main search, sometimes the price has gone up $50, sometimes nothing is different at all, but you still Can. Not. Purchase. Argh! Also, I still have no idea where we'll stay the extra 3 nights we're there, we found one place, but then the nights changed slightly. Sigh.

Whinging

It's kind of weird, the last 2 times I've subbed, they called me at 7:30am the morning of (I was still in bed), the time at which I would normally be getting my things ready to leave for work. It is nice to work, and everyone knows earning money is a good thing, but it's kind of frustrating to have to rush and get up & ready in 15 minutes!

Another pair of frustrations yesterday was found at the mall. Now, the last time we went to the mall, we got there on a Saturday evening, only to learn that everything was closing (6pm), and that Jo-Ann didn't have the yarn I wanted. So we went again in the afternoon, after I had called to verify. Now, I had serious doubts about the woman I talked to on the phone, since she seemed to have no real clue what yarn I was inquiring about, but assured me anyway that it was in stock. Well, it wasn't.

So then I went to try on jeans, only to find that our little mall had literally nothing in my size in a style I would consider wearing for a price I would pay. JC Penny had jeans in my size for $20, but they were ugly flares or the trendy "skinny" style that looks like denim spandex. Macy's had some decent ones in my size in the jr's section that were $50, and a whole bunch of reasonably priced jeans several sizes too big in ladies'. Don't get me started on the grandma-esque petite styles that are STILL too big. Why is everything either the wrong size, an ugly color, or a hideous style? Why did Gap have to go and change their sizes so my perfect pants no longer fit? My last pair are falling apart, and I can't find any replacements. I guess I'll just have to order some and hope they fit and look good. Wait- I tried that and it didn't work.

Also, I am stupid and left my knitting bag in the car, which R took to work today (duh), so I had to start another project, which makes 5 on the needles now (not counting the to-be-felted bag in perma-hibernation). It's ok though, because everything else I am working on is lace, and I can't do that without looking at it and thinking about it, so I started a simple scarf that will be for my friend Verne. It's going to have the Dark Mark on it, I think he'll be very excited. I hope he comes to visit soon with the rest of the Seattle crew!

accomplishments

Well, here is my new sweater: It's a lovely alpaca-merino blend, so it's very warm and fuzzy, though a tiny bit itchy. I finished a few days ago, and now am about an inch or so into the vest that is my next project.

We were actually social this weekend, which was fun. Friday night we baked Gorgonzola garlic fries for a get-together at our friends' house. There were only 5 of us who showed up (notice a pattern?) but we had fun talking and tasting beers and playing Mexican Train dominoes. Then last night R and I had dinner with Kris and her partner who were in town for the weekend. They made Ecuadorian potato soup, which you put popcorn on top of like croutons. It was a fun evening, and then we met Steph at a concert, Diego's Umbrella who were really fun! They call their music Mexi-Cali-Gypsy-Rock (though I've read "pirate" and "punk" mixed in as well) but they also include a bit of a Celtic or Spanish flair at times. Very danceable (and I am NOT a dancer), very enjoyable. Steph was a bit drunk and kept buying me beers, I hope I burned them all off by dancing!

It's raining now, so no hikes or kayaking this weekend, unfortunately. R is upstairs making onion soup, perfect for this cold weather, especially since we recently watched the onion episode of "Good Eats." I now feel vindicated for bawling while cutting onions- it's sulfuric acid in my eyeballs, even Chuck Norris would cry! I need to work to get in shape for Kauai, but I really want to make brownies. Hm.

I hope you are having a great weekend!

mostly boring

Well, I hope everyoe enjoyed their weekend. I feel like I didn't get much done, really. We did some errands on Saturday, stopping to have Thai food for dinner. Not very romantic, but we're not big into that stuff anyway. It's better to show that you love someone all the time instead of spending a bunch of time and money just a couple days a year. Eli has a theory that the amount you spend on Valentine's Day is inversely proportional to the health of your relationship, so I guess we're doing fine. ;) I made lemon profiteroles that were tasty though- not the traditional chocolatey heart-shaped thing, but good, with lemon curd and whipped cream.

I finished the sleeves on my sweater, so now all I have to do is hope there's enough yarn left for the cowl neck. I should be able to put up a picture of the finished product in a day or 2! I'm trying to figure out what yarn to use for a lacy vest, the pattern is only one-size, and the easiest way to make it smaller is to use smaller yarn, but sometimes figuring out what yarn to use is tricky. I'm still way too slow at the lace for Colleen. At this rate she'll get it in summer when she won't need a shawl!

We made Eli's Pea soup this weekend, it took us like 3 nights because each time we went to start it, we noticed something new that precluded us from being able to make it that day, like "pre-soak the peas for 12 hours" or "simmer 8 hours"! But it was as good as he claimed. We also made ricotta cheese (it's easy: milk + salt + heat + acid) and then turned it into lasagna, yum! We also made a bacon/onion/gruyere quiche with a potato crust for breakfast, highly recommended!

I'm working today, but other than this I have nothing for the rest of the month. Stuff usually comes up last minute, but it's frustrating to be working only one day a week. Other than that, I have book club on Wednesday, for which I must speed read the whole book tonight and tomorrow, and then there is a potluck get-together thing on Friday. Maybe I'll go to yoga on Thursday, and tonight and Thursday will be climbing. It's now only 2 months until we leave for Kauai- I need to work harder to get in shape for hiking and kayaking!

Happy 200th, Charles Darwin!

What a smart fellow; I feel sad that even now so many people disregard your ideas and don't believe evolution exists, even when we can see it happening (and force it to happen with artificial selection). It's also sad that I've owned The Voyage of the Beagle for like 6 months now and haven't read it.

My friend Kristen visited the other night and showed us a slide show of her recent trip to Ecuador. I'm so jealous! But we'll go someday- she was my main impetus to get our Costa Rica/Panama trip to happen, so now on to South America! I've always wanted to go to the Galapagos, and we both would love to see more jungle. Ecuador has amazing mountains and cloud forests too, which we didn't visit in Costa Rica. More monkeys, amazing birds, giant tortoises, marine iguanas, snorkeling with penguins! Someday. But first- Kauai! Kris is actually in Kauai right now with her family (lucky girl, so much traveling!), so I told her to bring back a full report. :)

As for every day life, I went to gymnastics again on Monday (finally) and realized I've been gone long enough to get out of condition- I was sore! Of course, some of that soreness might have come from the hike we took on Saturday while the weather was still gorgeous & sunny. We took the dogs out to the parks & walked about 3 miles along the coast through forest and along sunny ocean bluffs. My idea is to go hiking each weekend (if the weather cooperates), going slightly longer each time, so that in mid-April, 10 miles along Hawaiian cliffs won't seem ridiculous.

As for knitting, I'm still plodding along with my aunt's shawl, it's over a foot long now. Obviously I will not have it done as quickly as I had hoped. But my super soft sweater is going swiftly, the body is finished and I'm part way through the first sleeve. Yay!

I know, I know

Yeah, the other night wasn't an intentional slight, and it shouldn't reflect negatively on my character that nobody else showed up. People did honestly have good reasons to not be there. But still, sometimes I wonder if I'm not still that weird little ostracized 12 year old girl.

You know how every class has that one kid; the one who is awkward and different, who people make fun of? That kid who reads too much, does too well in school, isn't good at sports, wears uncool clothes; the kid who has no real friends (because being outwardly friends with her is social suicide) so she wanders the playground alone at recess? The one who is teased and laughed at (even by the people who would be her friends in secret, but not publicly), whose homework gets stolen, who doesn't get invited to birthday parties? That kid was me.

I'm introverted, insecure, and still awkward. I've never found it easy to make friends, sometimes I feel socially retarded. But I've had enough friends now that I know it's possible; that I'm a likable and worthwhile person. But it's still hard not having people in this area that I feel are more than good acquaintances; especially when I feel we're such different places in life, and my local friends have too much going on to fit me in. That doesn't make me better or worse than them, just not perfectly suited.

It seems like a lot of friendships are like that- you're only friendly with someone while you're doing the same things- at the same school, in the same situation, have the same hobbies, work the same place, etc. If anything changes, you lose the glue that holds you together. And sure, distance and changing lives make things hard on any relationship, but there are some people you just don't want to lose, you know? So it's hard when those special people -the ones you would happily hang out with every day, talk to for hours, go anywhere with- all live a day's drive away or more, and I see them a few times a year if I'm lucky (one I haven't seen in years now).

I keep talking about my 30th birthday- I want a big party! I want people to all go out to dinner together! I want to go camping with friends! I want to have people over! I want to go stay at a hotel up the coast so people from Portland & Seattle will come! But then I realize- it won't happen. It doesn't mean that people don't love me, they are just busy, and we live too damn far away.

Insecurity.

Hello, I am feeling like crap right now. Just wanted you to know in case anything here comes off as bitter or negative.

You see, I have been home alone all week (R is off at training). I missed a couple subbing possibilities in the beginning of the week because the phone lines were down Sunday night, so I was looking forward to today: a full day of subbing science AND girls' night out! Finally I got out of the house and interacted with people! (Well, actually I went to the advanced-climbing class last night as well, lost some finger-pad skin & got a good arm workout in.)

School went really well today! It was one of those great days where the students were in good moods (tomorrow starts a 3-day weekend for them), they were happy to have me instead of their regular teacher, and I actually TAUGHT them something. This is the 2nd year in a row I've ended up subbing for this class on the day they are working on balancing chemical equations, and I can actually help the students to grasp the concept. It's a really gratifying and positive feeling to help someone *finally* understand something with which they have been struggling.

So then I came home, feeling good, got a good bit of knitting done on my gorgeous & utterly-pettable sweater, and got ready to go to the GNO. I turned on the computer to check the meeting time just before we left, and read that 2 people I had been expecting might not be there- bummer. So I go anyway at 5:30 (ridiculously early for dinner, we typically don't eat before 7), fearing that I'll be the only one to show up.

Yeah, should have trusted my instincts. I sat there for 45 minutes HOPING someone might appear to prove I'm not a total loser before I ordered a halibut burger & onion rings to go. The restaurant (Sharkbites) is awesome, laid-back, comfortable, excellent food, good beer selection, the owner was completely cool, etc. But nothing makes you feel you are a worthless turd like sitting and hoping SOMEONE will show up to spend 30 minutes with you on a Thursday evening. I was stood up by my "friends."

Granted, I know a lot of people have perfectly good reasons for not being there, kids, family stuff (one girl didn't even get off work until 6 anyway), etc; but still, I felt like I was not worth even expending the effort. (It's one night every other month, for God's sake!!) I hate that the people who actually make me feel like I'm worth being around live 4-8 hours away. I hate that I have no real friends here I can count on. It appears that the people I thought were my friends actually have nothing in common with me other than friend/family working for ODF, and we all play with yarn. Or maybe they are all just plain too busy to be friends with lil' old me. It sucks to find out that nobody wants to be around you (unless they live too far away to do so).

I like this town. I like our house, I like our lives, I like living here. I just need some actual friends now, so I don't feel like shit anymore.

Nada mucho

Happy Sunday! I didn't really have much to say, but it's been a while since I've posted. R left this morning for a week-long training, so I have a whole list of projects to do this week. Some of them I've already finished, like dyeing some clothes and putting the spices up in our new spice rack. Ryan made it in his new garage workshop with some pretty myrtle wood.

I've caught a nasty head cold, so I don't feel the greatest, but it's let me get a bit of knitting done. I'm still the world's slowest lace knitter-- only 3 repeats of my Aunt's shawl done so it's not even a foot long yet, sigh. I finished the 2nd of my 3 gift scarves for friends-- you know who you are, now come and get them! Here I am modeling the scarf as Luna Lovegood (with short hair): Note the spectro-specs and radish (dirigible plum, whatev) earrings. Yes, I am a dork. But R is gone and I am sick, so I am being goofy.

Busy busy

To those of you who wondered, the Season of Nick is so named because it was this sort of weather in which our friend Nick first came to Coos Bay and began working with R. We hope there will be many years to come of the two of them working together and playing hackey sack in the parking lot during lovely, sunny lunches.

I worked yesterday, sort of last minute, and for a teacher I do not enjoy replacing. She is actually a long-term sub herself, and her classes tend to be lacking in discipline, respect, and basic knowledge of the subject. It's frustrating as a sub when it's obvious the class doesn't respect the regular teacher, because then they are that much worse for you. I hate going into classes where the kids obviously don't give a crap about the subject, don't do the work in class, don't bother to listen, don't accept your authority, etc. It makes me really glad I'm not a full-time teacher, but it also makes me very frustrated.

But at least I've been working a lot lately, and then this weekend I was at a volunteer training for spring Whale Watching Week, which will be very fun. I'm doing one day in Bandon and one at Shore Acres. I love learning new things about the ocean, and the woman who did the training was a researcher who has studied the gray whales in Depoe Bay for years, so very cool. I was immensely jealous of her getting paid to go to Cabo as an interpreter- how do I get a gig like that? It would be highly preferable to do interpretive things year round and not have to substitute teach, especially if it meant getting paid to go amazing places! But I wouldn't want to be gone all winter, short trips would be better.

I feel like I've been so busy I haven't gotten any knitting done at all, nor have we been climbing in over a week. Where does the time go??

I'm hosting book club tonight, so I'd better go start my brie en croute. I also made a dark chocolate tart. The book is John Irving's The Fourth Hand, which was not a book I would have selected based on the description, but I liked it.

Souper!

I have declared this to be soup week! My final year in college, R's roommates & Abby & I all took turns cooking dinner, family-style. We would often have theme weeks to keep things interesting, but I don't think we ever had a soup week, so I decided we should have one now. Monday night was french onion soup. Tuesday was toasted ham & cheese sandwiches with roasted red pepper & tomato bisque (not homemade). Last night we used up the rest of the duck & the bones in Chinese duck soup, which was pretty good, but again not delicious enough to justify the effort. Tonight we're using up some wintery ingredients that need to be eaten with Chestnut & persimmon soup- it's vegan! Other good soups we've made this winter include a soba & miso bowl with whatever random greens were still growing in the garden, and a coconut milk curry soup with noodles & baby corn. Mmm, soup is good!

I haven't gotten much knitting done lately- I'm a few rows from finishing the cardigan, but still don't have buttons, so that's not very motivating. I really need to work on my Aunt's shawl, but lace is not something I really enjoy (even though I got a good idea from Knitting in Plain English to make a mini-book out of the pattern instructions to keep from losing my place). It's not far enough along to show a good picture, so here is a some yarn I dyed for my Mom's Christmas gift. It started out a really light baby pink color.

I went to the dentist on Tuesday to replace an old root canal filling with a crown. I spent nearly 2 hours there, being drilled, prodded, scraped, and having forms full of gross-tasting putty shoved into my mouth, ugh. But the tooth will be better off now, and less fragile. They gave me nitrous, which I had only ever used before when my wisdom teeth were extracted, it was kind of strange.

The current weather is what we call "The Season of Nick;" that part of every winter where it's gorgeous and warm and sunny during the day but frigid at night. It's so warm in the afternoons that one could sit outside and read or knit in a tank top (if only I didn't have to work!), but as soon as the sun starts to dip down the horizon, the temperatures drop quickly to near-freezing. It was beautiful this morning to sip a cup of tea and look out the kitchen window over white-coated roofs to the fog rolling up the slough and golden sunlight bathing the trees. I hope you are enjoying whatever this winter is bringing you, and can appreciate nature's varied beauty!

This weekend was fairly relaxed- I had intended on going to a volunteer training for Shoreline Education Awareness, but it was at 8:30 in Charleston and I had a headache, so I slept in. Until my friend (the woman I used to nanny for) called at 9 to invite us to come visit them sometime that day, which never happened because we lost track of time.

For dinner on Saturday we went hoity-toid, making duck sauce to go atop fresh (homemade) pasta and homemade bread (from the Artisan Bread in 5 min a Day recipe). It was good, but not outstanding, considering the effort that went into making it all. Sunday we made spaghetti squash with jalapeno cream, a recipe from October's Sunset Magazine, which was really tasty. I knitted, R brewed, we took down the Christmas decorations, etc.

I finished my cardigan (got some good knitting in while subbing- video days are great) except for the button plackets, which I will have to do later; I really need to concentrate on the shawl- my Aunt starts Chemo in less than a week. It won't get to her on time, but the sooner the better. It's an easier pattern to remember than the blanket for my Mom, but it will still take a while, and is another project that requires my full attention- not something I could do during a movie.

I think I'm hosting book club this week- I'm going to make Brie en croute and a salted chocolate tart. In other food news, we're going to make Chinese duck soup (using up the other half of the duck from the pasta) at some point, I'm excited!
I'm working a few days next week, and then I have another training (Whale Watching Week volunteers) on the weekend. Other than that, I'm trying to knit, read the book for cook club, and research Kauai, which we may visit with my Mom in April. Yay!

failure & frustration

I have failed as a friend. Unable to help bolster her strength and convince her to stand up and do what's best for both, they "talked" and (I believe) are staying together. Note I said I believe. I do not know, because she has not answered or returned any of my calls in a week and a half, a good indication she doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Maybe I was too blunt and honest, but probably it's just easier to put up with a really bad situation you're used to than to face rejection & being alone. She knows at least I'll always be there; can't say the same for her partner, whom she needs to appease and please to keep his favor. I wonder if this time she's really going to completely give in and become the person he's trying to force her to be. The odds are greatly in his favor- every time he's succeeded in manipulating her through guilt, to use her love to get his way.

But I don't think I can really, truly hate him (though I hate what he's done), because I feel sorry for both of them. They can never be completely happy together, because one of them will have to give up what they really want out of life so the other can have their wish (2 guesses which one it will be); and then the person that "loses" will be resentful and frustrated. He says he loves her, but you don't treat people you love the way he treats her. It's clear to all of the friends standing on the edge of this relationship that they aren't right for each other (and that his constant manipulation is actually a form of abuse). The worst part is that she knows it too: the whole time they've been together she's been saying "we'll have to break up eventually," but then has accepted more and more of his controlling her life.

Being a girl sucks- you live with your own worst enemy inside your head, a constant voice saying, "you aren't good enough, you don't fit in, you're not right." But then, to become a healthy and happy woman, you get to the point where you start consciously ignoring that negativity. You say "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm OK! I don't have to live up to what I think society or others expect of me, I need to do what gives me joy!" If you have someone constantly reinforcing the insecurities (multiple people, in this situation) you probably never get there.

In gardening, you have to pull out the weeds or they'll suck the good stuff from the soil and choke out the beautiful, nutritious plants you want. Same thing here- cut out the awful, spiteful, selfish people and start clean to ever be happy. But it hurts, and it's hard, and she doesn't seem to want to hear it.

climbing

We went to our first rock climbing class tonight- basically we just had to get checked off that we know the knots & proper safety procedures, and now we can go climb at the wall any time it's open. It was really fun, but I'm dreadfully rusty- I don't think I've climbed in the past 5 years. The first route I did was overhanging most of the way- my forearms were really burning! It's going to be good exercise; I need to remember to keep my gymnastics skills up too.

In other news, we were up in Portland for late family Christmas. It was nice to see everyone (my brother shocked everyone by coming to dinner at my Mom's, and then there was a bowling party for the oldest boy's birthday on Saturday). It was great to see Tina & Patrick too, who were in town for the holidays- it's sad when friends move so far away- Grad school, hmph! We went out to Thai food with Mindy & Alan & Eli (I gave my yummy leftovers to a guy on the street who said "Please, I don't want money, but I'm hungry- could you buy me some FOOD??"- he was happy). Next time we have to be sure to see Brandy and Evan! I wish we had more time to spend there- we didn't get all our errands done either. It snowed just a tiny bit.